My Mother

Eulogy for My Mother

Since I was too timid/afraid/sad to talk about my mother at her funeral January 19, 2002 (the date was my “then six weeks deceased” dad’s birthday), I feel it’s about time I give tribute to a big influence in my life.  And no better day to publish this blog but on my parents’ wedding anniversary: September 15, 1940.

First, Esther Elvida’s personality: she knew how to laugh, how to be happy, how to be disappointed.  She enjoyed socializing and so did my dad, which made for busy Sunday afternoons and once in a while in the evening if it had rained or once during a terrible blizzard when we walked over to the neighbors’ farmhouse. As Alzheimer’s took her memory, Esther’s social skills were the last to go.  She could carry on a few minute conversation with total strangers, which we eventually became.

                Esther belonged to formal groups: Ladies’ Aid which met twice a month mid-week: a Bible study in her “circle” group and the large group meeting.  The other group was WCTU, Women’s Christian Temperance Union.  She grew up in a home with no alcohol, cards, or dancing.  She married a man from German background, which included alcohol (homemade chokecherry wine, at least), cards, and dancing.  So she “fought” against a liquor store in Hoffman but eventually lost.  I think she was the youngest member, but the ladies were nice and friendly.  I even attended a Temperance camp.

                I think my mother looked forward to all the gatherings of women and relatives; visiting was her strength and enjoyment.  She and her women friends spent hours laughing. I learned from her how to look forward to the next special event on the calendar with great anticipation.  It gets me through the mundane parts of everyday life. Her fight with perspiration in late spring and summer always “dampened” the dressing up part.  Sometimes it was so bad that she would get dressed in the cool but still humid basement, hoping to put off the inevitable.  She passed on the trait of head sweating to me and I to at least two of my three sons.  Thanks, Esther.

                Mom took her mother-in-law’s advice not to do the barn chores.  She helped in the field some, and we both helped at the evening milking for a one winter. Yet, she still had time for leisure; a few times we went to our Pastor’s cottage on Lake Lida by Pelican Rapids with a couple other ladies.  She modeled “me time.” I am grateful.

                Church and her Christian faith sustained Esther. I can clearly recall her singing hymns in church.  She read the Bible and devotions daily.  She “confessed” to me of her faults without getting into details, but I knew she was impatient and judgmental.  She listened to a Christian radio station out of Fargo, KFNW, which still exists. She was a leader in several ways: president of Ladies’ Aid, Sunday school superintendent, and the first woman on the church council.  I was proud of that.

                Esther knew how to keep an organized house, except for the occasional “junk” drawer, and she wanted me to learn to dust, sweep, and vacuum.  I can see now that Esther didn’t just take over because I wasn’t getting a chore done.  Was she patient or didn’t like to do the jobs too?

                Esther seemed to enjoy baking, trying new sweets for morning and afternoon coffee all the time.  She was proud of her serving dishes and took pride in choosing the right one for each salad or dessert.  Cooking meals “felt” like a chore for which she learned an easy discipline.  She liked painting walls and basic decorating, such as getting a new couch for Dennis’ graduation and new carpets before my graduation and a new bathroom upstairs for my sister-in-law.

                She was not a seamstress although I’m pretty sure she had a course or two on that topic at the agricultural school in Morris in the 1930s.  Her sister and daughters all learned to sew and were avid 4-H members, but that was not the case at our house.  Esther could darn socks and mend jeans but that was the limit with the needle, either by hand or the sewing machine.  

                Esther was definitely proud of her children.  She and Lloyd were the best supporters by being dependable spectators.  She was glad I learned to play piano (she could play some herself), could sing duets with my cousin, played flute, and earned good grades.  Being a cheerleader from seventh grade through senior year did not impress her.  She once asked me why other girls weren’t given the chance.  Her dislike of her uncle’s penchant for expressing opinions came to haunt her dissatisfaction with my brother, who loved to tell stories, joke, share his ideas and opinions.

                There were lots of hugs when I was little, and they reappeared when I went to live in Wyoming.  However, I never doubted her love.  And I saw it when she became very protective and nurturing to my older brother’s wife, who came into our lives from Korea.  She and Lloyd gave a few pecks of love but their interactions demonstrated their love.  Maybe her work at Sears for a few years before marriage satisfied her, but marrying Lloyd and raising a family became her priority.  I always felt her devotion to her husband and children.